


Tropplegänger

by GiggleSnortBangDead



Category: Big Trouble in Little China (1986), Escape from New York (Movies), The Thing (1982)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Crack, Double Penetration, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rimming, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 15:53:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2234757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiggleSnortBangDead/pseuds/GiggleSnortBangDead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Carpenter Kurt Russell Trinity end up in the same motel room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tropplegänger

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hanggracefully](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanggracefully/gifts).



> This is a birthday present for [hanggracefully](http://hanggracefully.tumblr.com/), but if you like it - then that's rad. Thanks
> 
> Grace - Happy fucking birthday. I know this is late, but it's eight thousand fucking words so fuck you i just wrote eight thousand fucking words of shitty ridiculous crossover porn for you so you better fucking be grateful oh my fucking god how the fuck did this even happen to me i am exhausted

"Oh, what the hell is this?" Jack Burton crowed. He'd just entered his motel room, only to see two versions of himself, eyeing each other down. Jack with an eye patch and tight, camo pants held out a gun and quietly seethed. Him with a beard and a - god damn it - a fucking _flamethrower_ turned his head in stiff curiosity 

“There’s _another_ one of you?” Mr. Eye Patch bit out, trailing his gun between the other two men. 

“Now, hold on,” Jack said, a hand coming up to tell the other him what was what. “I’m my own person. If anything, you two are copies of me.” and he hooked his thumb at himself so they would have no confusion as to whom he was talking about.

“I’ve seen this before - or something like this,” Mr. Beard drawled, less tense than Mr. Eye Patch but still gripping his flamethrower tight enough, “I don’t know how two copies of me were formed - or why you both look different - but I’ll need to run a quick blood test on both of you.”

Mr. Eye Patch snarled. “You’re not getting any of my blood. How can I trust you?”

“How can I trust you?” Mr. Beard threw back.

“How can I trust either of you,” Jack asked, uncomfortable with having all these weapons pointed at him when he'd taken knife strapped to his ankle when it had gotten itchy an hour ago and put it in his bag, “When you’re waving all that around.” There was a tense pause, and Jack, the reasonable one, said, “You can have some of my blood if you promise not to light me on fire or let that one shoot me.” 

“Deal.” Mr. Beard nodded, and had Jack advance. The blood test wasn’t really what Jack expected - he wasn't even really sure the point of trying to light blood on fire. To be fair, Mr. Beard assured him he was a scientist, and Jack knew basically nothing about science. 

“Obviously,” Mr. Beard said, relaxing a bit, once it was done and Jack had apparently passed, “Some sort of interdimensional rift opened and that led us to meeting at this point.” 

“Yes, _obviously,_ ” Jack repeated, sucking on his cut thumb, unconvinced. “That’s _obviously_ what happened - except, oh, _not_ , because this is _my_ motel room that I _just_ paid for.” 

“I don’t know,” Mr. Eye Patch said through his teeth. “Who the fuck you two think you are, or what the fuck kind of cover story you’ve got, but I don't care. Who are you working for?” 

Mr. Beard regarded him cooly, if a little impatiently, so Mr. Eye Patch turned his gun on Jack, who’s hands flew up defensively. 

“I’m at the trucking company. If you give me a sec, I can find their number and - “

“I think you can tell he’s not dangerous.” Mr. Beard cut in, his stance less aggressive, his grip loosening on his flamethrower. “So, if you’d put that down.”

Mr. Eye Patch looked between them once more and then put away his piece, keeping a hand on his holster the whole time.

“So,” Jack started. “Why are you in my motel room? Also, what in the hell are your names?” 

Mr.’s Beard and Eye Patch exchanged a look, neither wanting to go first. Mr. Beard sighed and said, “Name's MacReady. I fell asleep, and woke up here.”

Jack asked him where, exactly, he had fallen asleep.

“The antarctic.” MacReady said, and Jack wasn’t touching that. That was too weird. Jack hated weird shit. They both looked at Mr. Eye Patch.

“I was going to a bar. I opened the door and ended up in here, with that asshole.” He glared.

“And your name?” 

Mr. Eye Patch glowered between the two of them. “Snake.” he said, “Plissken.” 

Jack almost snorted. “That’s not a name.” and Snake looked furious. Jack ignored it. “I’m Jack.” Jack said, sounding proud and certain, his hands on his hips, “Jack Burton.” 

MacReady scratched his beard, looking between them. “Right.” he said, then sighed, “I don’t think we’re going to be able to figure this out right now anyway. And, I don’t think I’m in immediate danger from either of you.” He hooked his thumb towards the bathroom, and started to shoulder off the flamethrower. “I’m gonna take a shower. I haven’t had much of chance to and I’ve got - Stuff on me.” and he slipped away after that, leaving his flamethrower in a corner and Jack standing awkwardly as Snake stared him down.

Jack folded his arms in an effort to look unimpressed and unintimidated. “Listen,” he started.

“Stop talking.” Snake snapped. He nodded towards the bed, “Sit down.”

Jack walked to the bed and sat down immediately, but because he wanted to and not because of anything else. Snake continued to regard him icily, hand on his gun. Jack coughed and shifted. 

“So, where are you from?” he asked. “Like, in your version of the states?”

“Nowhere particular.” 

“Ah,” Jack nodded, then added, “I’m from Massachusetts.” 

Snake didn’t really respond to that - except he sort of bared his teeth, which actually was a very clear response. They could hear the shower start up.

“So,” Jack tried again, “What do you do, Snake?”

“Whatever comes up.”

“Yeah, I know how that is,” Jack nodded, “I’ve been trucking for years, but every now and then, things get kind of sidetracked. Then, I gotta do a little of this, a little of that - “

“Look,” Snake said, leveling with him. “I’m not here to be your friend. I’m not here to make small fucking talk with you. I just wanted to go to bar and pick up some tail - and now I’m here, surrounded by my Dopplegängers - “

“I think Dopplegänger is just two.” Jack explained to him. “There’s three of us, so far. Tropplegängers.” Snake glared at him, something enraged and maybe a little confused burning in his eyes. Jack backed down again, and said, “But I totally hear you - A few years back, i was in New York and - “

“You were in New York?” Snake snapped, and, suddenly, he was grabbing his shoulders in an almost bruising grip. His hands were big and warm on him, holding him tight, and Jack’s attention was caught on them more then what he was shouting at him. It all hit Jack in a low, dirty place which he didn’t really get, but, abstractly, understood because hadn’t had any in the least few days and he’d always thought he was an attractive guy. It wasn't all that vain to admit. “How did you escape?”

“Whoa,” Jack said, “Now, hold on.”

“I’ve escaped from New York before - and I had some help. It’s not easy. Tell me.” he growled, low, aggressive, and it went straight to the swirling mess of heat building low in Jack. _Oh no_ , he thought, _this is probably a bad time for this_.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jack asked, although it sounded a little pathetic. He tried to remain looking up at Snake, because looking straight ahead kind of put him at crotch level and Snake’s pants were _really_ tight.

Snake sneered, letting him go. “I think I know how you got out. Must have bribed some big guy to smuggle you out.” He looked down at Jack with a smug, knowing, mean smile. “Yeah, I’ve seen your type. I know what guys like you did in New York.”

“Uhh...” Jack stammered, really wishing MacReady would stop being a diva and get out of the shower. “What do guys like me do in New York? Balance kicking ass and teamwork?” 

“Don’t play dumb.” Snake told him cooly. “You’re not fooling anyone - looking like that.”

“We look identical.” Jack reminded him, thinking of the eye patch and amended, “Mostly.”

“No,” Snake said, hands on his hips, which gave Jack pause, because that gesture was so similar to his own that it sort of proved his point, “We really don’t.”

“I’m still not exactly sure what you’re implying,” Jack snapped, and he stood to really make it clear that he was feeling out of the loop and didn't like that. Even though he actually had no idea what Snake was trying to say, he added, “I don’t think I _like_ what you’re implying.” 

Snake let him take few threatening steps forward and then flipped him, scooting him back, pressing him against the near, side wall. His thigh came between Jack’s parted legs and pressed against his groin. Jack groaned and clutched at Snake’s very firm shoulders, unsure if he was pushing him away or keeping him close. 

“Feel that?” Snake said, breath hot on his neck. “Figures you’d like being shoved around a little.” 

“Now, hold on just a minute.” Jack demanded, pushing at Snake’s chest. “I don’t know what the hell you’re trying to say, but you can’t just go around, nudging at a man’s, uh - stuff.” Snakes’s hand came down to cup him through his jeans and Jack sort of choked, then sputtered, “Like that!” 

“I get the feeling you’re not very bright.” Snake hushed in his ear, his fingers deftly working open the front of his jeans.

“Ah! Uh! What? No. First off - I’m no dumb. Second,” Snake pulled Jack’s pants and boxers down, around his knees his stiff cock exposed but instantly warm by the tight press of Snake over him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” 

“I think you know.” Snake harshed.

“Okay, but, why?” Jack squirmed against the wall. Snake caught and held him, one hand on his waist, the other catching his jaw, keeping his head to the side, neck vulnerable. He pressed his mouth to the juncture of throat and collar, Jack stammering “Wha - Oh - _oh_ \- Stop, stop.” and then a final, irritated, “ _Stop_.” 

Snake pulled back, skin dusted in a light pink flush. Jack figured he probably look basically the same, except half naked with his cock out and pink and straining. His eyes darted down to Snake’s tight, camo pants and felt his breath hitch a little at the obvious, large bulge. 

“Not that I’m not,” Jack gestured between their erections, “Into this, but, uh, are you sure it’s a good idea? Because this is sort of coming out of nowhere - and it’s sort of... weird...” and he gestured between them again, but in more of a broad, general way. Snake looked at him like he was crazy, and he added, “Have you ever even been with a guy before?”

“Never wanted to.” Snake said, quickly. Too quickly.

“Right.” Jack said, feeling his erection wane in the slight chill of the room and lack of stimulation. He moved to pull his pants back up. Snake stopped his heads, pinning his wrists, and the look Jack sent him might be been petulant, but it didn’t really compare to the childish sneer Snake leveled with him. Jack decided in that moment that the other him was kind of an asshole.

“You’ve been with enough guys for the two of us.” Snake stated, and Jack, thrown by where he’d gotten that idea from, let his guard down enough for Snake to work his jeans down even farther, forcing Jack to kick off his shoes and then clothes if he didn’t want to trip and fall over. 

It wasn’t until Snake tugged up his muscle tee that Jack really got with the program. Even if other him was a jerk, he was still good looking and strong and insistent - which were all things that worked pretty well for Jack. “Fuck it,” he said, lifting his arms and letting Snake discard his shirt to the side. 

With a close to painful hold on his arm, Snake led Jack to the bed and forcible sat him down on the edge. Jack looked up, sort of amused and sort of annoyed but mostly just aroused. 

“So, what are you thinking?” he drawled. “Want me to blow you - or have you got lube hidden away somewhere in your ridiculous pants?”

Snake sent him a scathing look, which didn’t really do much, and unzipped the front of his pants, which did. 

“Right.” Jack drew out. “Not even gonna throw in a please or thanks?” Which didn’t get a reply, but Jack hadn’t expected one. He did send a low-heat glare up at him, thinking about how he was one of, if not the, most unpleasant persons he’d ever met - including ancient Chinese ghost spirit monsters (he still wasn’t entirely sure what that was) and his first ex-wife. Actually, Snake really reminded him of his first ex-wife.

Regardless, because Snake was fine and Jack was lonely and, yeah, attractive, overly-serious people might be his thing - he reached forward with one hand, the other coming to clutch at his own, straining cock, as started to gently stroke Snake’s - uh - _snake_.

Which wasn’t a bad word for it. It was longer than average, a bit thicker, and it was obvious this guy kept things neat and shaved down there. Jack certainly didn’t think about how his own, perfectly sized, perfect, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, perfect cock compared. Because it was the perfect size for everything and didn’t look like it was going to choke you the minute you tried to stick it in your mouth.

Steadying Snake, glancing up to check his face, he leaned in to kiss the head, and he peeked up to gauged his reaction. He was starting to flush really pretty, down his cheeks and neck and throat, but remained relatively stone-faced. Jack sighed, and licked the thick vein underneath before taking the tip into his mouth and sucking. Snake's hand reached forward to grip his hair in an effort to ground himself and Jack, smug, hummed and took more in. 

Slowly, letting his jaw get used to the stretch, he started to take more and more in. Spit was starting to run down Snake’s cock, and Jack just used the slick to pump everything he couldn’t fit into his mouth in a tight fist. He squeezed his own cock for good measure.

Snake groaned, his second hand coming to card next to the other, bowing a little over Jack’s seated body. Jack just sucked harder, relaxing his throat, ready to take more in when, abruptly, Snake came.

Jack sputtered and pulled off his dick. The spunk shot in his mouth started to dribble down his chin as another hot spurt of seed hit him high on his cheek.

“ _Augh!_ ” Jack yelled, wiping furiously at the mess being made on his face. “Jesus - Warn a guy!”

When he finally looked up, Snake looked like he’d been stunned where he stood. Jack pulled back even more, dislodging the hands tangled in his hair and eyed him critically. Lips a little pursed, displeased, he stated, “That was quick.”

Snake looked a pleasant combination of mortified and furious. Jack leaned back and spread his legs a little, drawing his red-faced glare down to his still throbbing, unattended erection. He gave it a short, quick pump. “You gonna return the favor, pal?”

Snake sneered at him. “I’m not some sissy queer homo.” 

Jack raised his eyebrows and slowly said, “Right.”

“I’m not touching your dick.” Snake continued. 

“Because that’s too gay?” Jack clarified. Snake glared at him, which was enough of an answer. Jack sighed heavily. “So, what?” he asked, continuing with a sarcastic, “You just want to play with my ass?” Snake looked like he broke again, a little. Jack was equal parts endeared and frustrated. “Because that’s _so_ straight,” he said to himself. 

He stood up from the bed and said one, “Sit down,” before going to his bags to root through them. He came back with a bottle of lube that he placed heavily in Snake’s hands and a string of condoms that he tossed to the side. “You know what you're doing?” Snake glared dumbly at the bottle, which prompted a second, “You know what to do?” 

Snake glanced up at him and then nodded, so Jack decided _fuck it_ and got himself on the bed, hands and knees, ass up, presented to Snake. But in a straight way, so Snake didn’t get too gayed out. 

There was a brief hesitation and then Jack felt a tentative hand on his asscheek, cupping him, Snake’s thumb growing bold enough to pull him open. He heard a sharp click and Snake must have poured slick over his fingers, setting the bottle aside, because two wet fingers pressed against his rim, circling it, applying the slightest bit of pressure. 

Jack bit his lip and sighed, waiting. He told Snake to go slow, and Snake growled, actually _growled_ , saying that Jack would “take whatever he gave him.” 

As he said that, he breached the little pucker with his index finger. Snake’s fingers were so much like his own, the same length and width, but the position was so different, and there was something almost cautious in the way he started to slide the digit inside. Jack pushed back, hoping he could get more, but Snake’s free hand gripped Jack’s hip, hard, digging into the meat of his ass as he pulled him open a bit more and held him still.

His index finger inside pumped in and out, gracelessly, until he added his next digit and Jack made a soft, exhaled groan at the stretch. Jack shifted a little, spread his knees farther apart, and Snake scoffed. With more certainty, his fingers curled inside and his knuckles rasped along the other man’s prostate.

The strangled moan that left Jack’s throat had Snake leaning in, hissing, “That’s right, you little fucking slut,” and twisting his wrist so he could better massage his sweet spot. “You’re lucky I’m doing this for you at all. Prissy little comedumps like you will beg for anything up their holes. I bet you’d take my fist - no problem.” 

Jack felt a very strong _probably not_ towards the idea of Snake fisting anytime soon. More importantly, he really wanted to point out how gay dirty talking the guy whose ass you were playing with was. He figured it was a senstive subject, though, and, what’s more, he was having a hard time getting any words out. He was panting too hard, his thighs starting to shake and his dick spitting out precome. Snake was back to fucking his fingers in and out, brushing sweetly against his p-spot, harshing out filth. 

Jack was ready, so ready, and he just needed that extra nudge, so he reached up to touch himself. He was stopped fairly quickly by Snake releasing his hip and grabbing a tight handful of Jack’s hair. 

“Hey - “ he started, choking out the words over the sudden wave of arousal that hit as Snake pulled his head back.

“Hands on the bed, you little cunt. You can come like this.” 

“Uh,” Jack stalled, trying to think around the strain in his neck and the stretch of his rim. “No, I can’t.”

Snake released him harshly. “Then you won’t come at all.” and he even more ruthlessly started to attack his prostate, scissoring and kinking his fingers. Jack groaned helplessly, legs trembling as he collapsed forward onto the bed. He buried his face in the cradle of his arms and nearly sobbed out a groan when Snake added more slick and a third finger. 

The door to the bathroom opened, steam and soap smell pouring out. Jack looked up abruptly and Snake’s fingers stilled inside him. MacReady, wearing nothing but a towel, stood in the doorway with an unreadable expression. Jack cursed his luck - neither of them had had the presence of mind to listen for the shower.

“I wasn’t expecting this.” MacReady admitted. He scratched at his beard, one hand carefully holding the towel up around his waist. “I thought one of you might have killed the other, but I wasn’t excepting this. 

Jack looked over his shoulder at Snake, With some regret, he said, “You should pull out.” Snake did immediately, wiping his hand off on the bedspread and moving away.

“Oh no,” MacReady crossed to the bed. “I wasn’t complaining. In fact, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a chance to.” 

Jack stared up at him, confused. He waited, then said, “That’s it? You don’t want to spend more time debating whether or not you should?”

MacReady didn’t bother with a reply to that. He just gestured to Jack’s erection. “You want help with that?”

Jack stared at MacReady and then at Snake and then back at MacReady. This was all too ridiculous, but he shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” He turned on the bed as MacReady dropped the towel, revealing his thick, uncut cock which was already perking to attention, dark pink head peeking out. 

Jack felt a little dumb, vaguely, because MacReady was built and naked and Jack was wearing nothing but a dopey expression and his socks. MacReady really didn’t seem to care, two fingers already traveling to where Snake’s had been buried moments before, feeling how slick his entrance was.

“Got him all prepped for me?” MacReady commented, shifting Jack’s hips so he was facing Snake, who was sitting at the head of the bed, looking on intensely. Feeling a hand come between his legs and pump him a few times, Jack moaned and spread his legs farther apart. “Responsive. You do this often?”

“Not enough, apparently.” Jack said. “I swear, I’m gonna - “ So MacReady let go and grabbed a condom. “Wow, you don’t mess around. Just straight to the, ah, punch, huh?” 

“I already told you.” MacReady said, rolling the condom onto his cock - and, wow, it was big. Maybe not longer than Snake’s, but still _long_ and absolutely thicker, to the point that Jack was almost apprehensive about taking it. Almost. Mostly, he was just kind of desperate. 

He was nudging the head of his dick against Jack’s little hole, Jack shuddering and pushing back just slightly. He felt a big, rough hand take hold of him to keep him from moving too much. MacReady eased the tip in and Jack felt heat spreading darkly though his body, looking up and catching Snake’s eye.

Snake was obviously trying to look impassive, uninterested, but his mouth had fallen open and he was watching intently as Jack’s eyes drifted shut and MacReady slowly pushed more and more of his enormous, ridiculous length in. Jack thought that he could have maybe done with a bit more prep, but kind of loved how much the stretch burned, even if he felt his knees trembling, close to giving. He was grateful that MacReady’s hands were on his hips, supporting him.

“This is ridiculous.” Jack grit out as MacReady gave him a second to breath into the stretch before bottoming out. “We’re all practically identical but - _ah_.” and there was that last inch. “ _You’re so big_.” MacReady huffed, smug and amused, and Jack groaned, having accidently stroked one of the other him’s already too-big ego. “What the hell,” he sighed, and rocked his hips back, experimenting, so that MacReady hissed and held him still and slammed in.

“Ah, _fuck_.” Jack cried out. MacReady pounded into him again. Jack scrunched his eyes shut, tight as he was hammered in to once, twice, three more times. “Oh, fuck,” he was repeating when he felt something warm and fleshing be pushed against his mouth. He barely managed to crack his eyes open - because MacReady was _not_ letting up in the slightest - to see that Snake had crawled down the bed and was trying to feed his semi-erect dick into his mouth.

Jack pushed at his thigh with one hand to get him away. “Ugh, _no_ , I am not - _uh,_ ” and there was a particularly hard thrust, so he rushed. “Not getting another facefull of your come.”

MacReady laughed breathlessly behind him while Snake glowered. “Why don’t you make it up to him?” MacReady suggested, and it took Jack a second to realize it wasn’t directed at him. He was brought up onto his knees, one of Macready’s arms looping around his chest, under his arm, keeping him upright. One of his own hands covered MacReady’s, arm over arm, hands curling at his throat, fingers entwined, while the other dug into the other man’s hip as some sort of anchor. The change of position also changed the angle MacReady was sliding into him with, and had Jack moaning loud and open, his hips working to roll back and meet what had just become a deep, rocking thrust.

His eyes dipped shut again, so he missed whatever brief, silent interaction Snake and MacReady had exchanged, and sort of gasp-groaned when he felt something warm and wet envelop his cock. He almost came right then. “Oh, _what_ ,” he tried, and gave up. Peeking his eyes open again, he saw Snake bowed in front of him, slowly trying to take his length into his mouth. MacReady had moved his second hand from Jack’s hip to Snake’s hair, tangling his fingers in, guiding him gently. 

“Gonna come.” Jack managed out, “Gonna - oh, _Jesus_.” Snake pulled off in time to not get a load of spunk in his mouth, but it did spurt hot over his neck and shirt. Warm and light with his orgasm and the nice sensation of still being thoroughly, if a little erratically, pounded, he didn’t even try to stop the petty delight he felt at Snake’s look of disgust. 

MacReady slammed in a few more times and filled the condom. After a moment, where he rode out his climax in short, halting thrusts, he pulled out and let Jack slump on the bed.

“You turned queer pretty fast.” Jack remarked after a second, as MacReady disappeared into the bathroom to dispose of his trash. 

“Shut up.” Snake griped. 

MacReady returned and tossed a damp towel at Snake. It landed heavily on his chest, soaking his shirt even more as he tried to wipe away the semen stain. 

Jack, moving up the bed to rest comfortably against the pillows, said, “Man, it’s a lost cause. Just take it off. Everyone else here is totally naked.” Which was a lie because Jack still had his socks on and MacReady had a beard, which wasn’t really clothes, but did sort of feel like it to Jack.

Snake didn’t look pleased, and Jack was starting to get that he rarely did, as he shucked his shirt off and let it meet the other clothes on the floor. He threw the towel aside as well and sat back a little stiffly, but like he was trying to be casual. Jack got why, his eyes trailing down Snake’s chest.

He sputtered a laugh and looked at MacReady who was similarly amused, but less vocal. “What the hell is that?”

Snake bared his teeth. “What the fuck does it look like?”

“Well it _looks_ like you got a snake peeking out of your pants. “Like,” Jack corrected, “A second snake.”

“It’s badass.” Snake told them through his teeth.

“It didn’t occur to you,” MacReady started, nonchalant, sitting on the edge of the bed, “That being named after your tattoo is funny?”

“Not to mention _so_ gay.” Jack added, helpfully. 

“I wasn’t _named_ after my tattoo.” Snake seethed. Jack reached over to the front of his camo pants. 

“I wanna see how far down it goes.” Snake slapped his hand away. “Come on, pal. I’ll blow you again.” He hand found Snake’s semi and palmed it.

“You’ll blow me again anyway.” Snake assured him. “Your type can’t resist.” 

Jack looked over at MacReady who sent back a slightly baffled but unoffended expression. “You get blown by a lot of men, Snake?” he asked.

“Did they get to see your cute tattoo?” Jack asked.

Snake looked pissed, but only as much as he could when his cock was slowly and surely being stroked erect, his pants being undone. MacReady shifted up the bed to help lift Snake’s hips and shimmy off his overly tight, admittedly appealing pants. Jack groped for the lube and slicked up his hand before gripping Snake’s dick again. Giving it a few firm tugs, eyes locked on the other man’s face, he started to lean down before a hand on his shoulder stopped him. Jack looked back at MacReady, hand stilled.

“Why don’t you two do something different?” 

“Different?” Jack asked, a little hazy. 

MacReady nodded, sure of himself, and said, “Why don’t you straddle his thighs?” Jack looked between them, and then directly at Snake, who was glaring in such a way that made it clear he had no idea what to do with that idea. Truth be told, it made Jack a hell of a lot more interested in trying. 

He sidled over to the other man, pushing him onto his back, guiding Snake’s hands to his own waist. Snake’s legs were straight on the bed, Jack’s knees bracketing them, his hands bracing on his sturdy chest as he kept himself upright. Once in the correct position, MacReady got up to grab another condom and more lube. 

While MacReady unwrapped the latex on Snake’s long, throbbing cock, Snake slicked his fingers and slipped a few into Jack’s hole. Jack felt sore, wrung out, and couldn’t stop hollow noise he made, his fingers clawing into Snake’s flesh, making him hiss in discomfort. He was still wet from the last time, and so Snake lubed his cock and lined it up at MacReady’s go ahead - although he did sneer a very unsurprising _don’t tell me what to do_ before ramming in, gutting a wrenched and wounded sound from Jack. 

MacReady found a comfortable spot on the end of the bed to watch them from.

Due to his length, Snake had another inch or so to push in, and Jack’s whole body was taut and straight, his mouth slack open, unable to even try and stop the groan that came out. Snake’s hands moved, curling at his back, dipping down to touch his stretched rim. Jack moaned as he felt him prod around, rocking his hips to get him back on track. 

Snake held on tight and Jack bounced his hips up once, falling back quickly, which had Snake’s jaw tightening. 

“You gonna come quick?” Jack panted, starting to pick a rhythm, slamming his hips down hard.

“Shut up.” Snake grit out.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Jack teased, “Your type can’t resist.”

So, Snake got a better grip on Jack’s hips, feet planting firmly on the bed, and shoved his cock in so hard Jack felt like he might choke on it.

“Do that again,” he ordered the second he could breath again. Thankfully, Snake decided to be quietly agreeable and did as told. His own low, appreciative sigh was the only sound he made before setting a torturous pace, pulling back, jerking Jack down, ramming himself forward. It was maddeningly slow, but too goddamn hard for Jack to really get a thought together. 

“You’re - “ he tried to say, and Snake hit into him, deep enough to make his eyes roll back. “Slow. Faster.” he demanded, trying to slam his hips down but held too tightly in Snake’s hands to be afforded enough leeway. “I hate you.” he groaned. “You son of a bitch,” he managed, and, “ _Faster_.”

He was being manhandled and flipped suddenly, right onto his back. MacReady made a small, intrigued noise, something between aroused and studious, which Jack hadn’t known was possible but couldn’t pontificate on for long as his knees were being pushed up to his chest, one leg hooking over Snake’s broad shoulder, the other held stiffly to the side. Just as he was thinking how he really wasn’t that flexible, Snake was pushing back in, his length forced unimaginably deeper than before and hitting Jack in all the right places. He moaned unthinkingly, shamelessly, and Snake picked up a brutal pace.

“How’s that, you fucking slut?” Snake grit. “That fast enough for your whoreloose hole?”

Which Jack really should have objected to, because all of that was rude, but he just demanded, “Faster,” and then, to be really obnoxious, “Fuck me harder, you gay queer - “ Snake’s hand came up, sealing over Jack’s mouth, cutting him off. It stayed, his fingers digging into his cheek. The bed was rocking noticeably and Jack’s spent cock was making a valiant effort to twitch back to life. 

“That shut you up, huh?” he snared, brushing over Jack’s prostate, making his toes curl and his head pressed back against the bed. His eyes were rolling shut and he lost track of what, exactly, Snake was doing until he abruptly pulled out. He ripped the condom off and then jacked his dick twice before coming all over Jack’s stomach and chest, which earned him a loud noise of displeasure. A sputter landed over one of his nipples and Snake, seemingly transfixed, rubbed his lube slick hand over the mess he’d made.

Two fingers swiped up some spunk and pushed in to Jack’s open, harshly breathing mouth before he could stop it. It was on his tongue, and Jack violently protested, despite being being completely worn out. 

“Hey, gross, man. You - “ and he froze, testing the taste on his tongue again. “Your come is sweet.”

Snake looked at him incredulously and MacReady, the scientist, reached forward to run his own fingers through the sticky white on Jack’s stomch. He brought it to his lips, tested it and said, “It tastes like come.”

“No way,” Jack declared and grabbed Snake’s wrist, dragging the man up his chest, bringing his hand to MacReady’s mouth. MacReady readily sucked in a digit and then grinned. 

Empty mouthed, he told them, “You have flavored lube.”

“Of course,” Snake huffed, sounding worn but still ready for a fight. “Someone like you would - “

“Save it.” Jack sighed, reaching off the bed. Out of spite, he found Snake’s shirt and wiped himself off with it. 

Snake pulled a face and moved to say something but was interrupted by MacReady saying, “Snake, you want the first shower?” Snake eyed him warily. “For a motel, it was pretty refreshing. You should take one.”

“Why does he get the first shower?” Jack crowed, collapsing back on the bed, eyes half-lidded with physical exhaustion, hair fanning out on the pillow.

MacReady sent him a scolding, meaningful look. “You wanna stand in the shower right now?” and Jack thought there might be more to it than that, what with the way MacReady stared at him down and then sent a significant glance at Snake, who was already standing, seeming motivated, if only to steal what jack seemed to want. Jack glowered ueslessly, and pulled out the tucked in edges of the covers more than necessary so he could settle in. Too hot, he threw off the thin comforter and pretended he was comfortable with just the starch, white sheet. 

The water turned on in the bathroom, and MacReady siddled up behind him, laying on top of the sheet, reaching around to cup Jack’s barely covered genitals. Jack was half hard and that wasn’t changing one way or another anytime soon. Irritated, he snapped out a, “Hey,” and shifted on his back to look at MacReady. MacReady looked too pleased with himself so Jack refused to look at his face. He opted for his dick instead.

“How come,” Jack started, “We all look completely identical except for your dick's - different.” Jack was going to say _bigger_ , but figured the other man didn’t need to hear that. MacReady seemed to get it anyway and grinned like a dog, his hand squeezing jack’s cock hard enough to make him groan and hitch his hips.

“It’s inhuman.” Jack continued, hoping to wipe that smug look off his face. “It’s like some bizarre, alien _thing_.”

MacReady only looked slightly put out as he said, “My cock has nothing to do with aliens - and it never will.” Jack thought that was a weird response but left it. Finding his previous cheer, MacReady smiled again. “Besides, we can’t all have pretty dicks like you.”

Jack flushed, heat flaring at the statement. It sounded like a compliment, even though, content-wise, it really should have seemed completely demeaning. Jack should have been totally offended, but he was just sort of flattered, and he croaked, “What are you - “

That was all he got out because there was a warm hand on his cheek and what followed after that was absolutely unexpected. MacReady leaned in, breath hot and pleasant enough over Jack’s lips. He managed out one more breathy, lost _what_ before MacReady was kissing him.

And it was _nice_. It was _good_. Jack liked kissing - always had - he’d just kind of figured it wasn’t going to happen here. Three identical guys getting it on was one thing. Licking into each others’ mouths and sucking sweetly on bottom lips was entirely different. But Jack just kind of thought _fuck it_ and kissed back a little more eagerly. 

Breaking away, Jack's breathing a bit heavier, he smirked, asking, “You gonna kiss Snake like that?”

MacReady seemed glad he’d asked. “In a way.” and reclining on his side, a hand trailing over Jack’s chest, occasionally thumbing over his nipple, he explained in blunt terms what exactly he wanted to do to Snake when Jack took his shower.

Jack’s eyebrows shot up and he said, “No way,” immediately. “I’ll walk back in here and you’ll have a black eye - at least.”

MacReady said he wouldn’t. 

“Five bucks says you can't get him to do it. “

“That’s a bet I’ll take.” 

Jack thought more about it, and he allowed, “I guess he doesn’t have the experience to worry about how raw your beard is gonna make him. You got that in your favor.”

“I got a lot in my favor.” MacReady explained. Jack rolled his eyes and the water shut off. MacReady kissed him again in the mean time, slowly, one hand framing his jaw. 

They stopped just as Snake was walking back in and Jack hopped up. He wondered if Snake showered with the eye patch on. He would have smacked Snake’s ass as he passed, because that would have been hilarious, but he had one of the thick, motel towels secured around his waist. Jack shut the door behind him and finally took his socks off.

He tried to shower quick, but the water was warm and soothing and he was still tried. He might have fallen asleep under the spray for half a minute or five. Those other assholes had used up all the complimentary shampoo and he’d left his 2in1 in his bag, so he just got his hair wet and called it good. He figured he’d be taking another shower soon enough - he could worry about how he was going to maintain and style then. He had more pressing matters now.

The assholes had also used all of the big towels, Jack noted with a groan and resorted to drying himself with a hand towel. Whatever was happening out then had better be worth it, he decided. He tossed the little cloth into the sink and checked his hair in the foggy reflection, running his hands through it a few times. Satisfied, he turned to the door, paused for a moment, taking a breath.

He opened the door and promptly lost five dollars. Money was suddenly, however, one of the farthest things from his mind. He gripped the doorway for stability. 

Snake's front was halfway pressed against the bed, MacReady’s face buried in his ass. His face turned to the side, Snake's cheeks beet red, his eye closed, one hand digging into the pillow like it was his only lifeline, the other curling at his mouth to stifle all of the noises he didn’t want to make. As it was, he couldn’t stop the hungry, whining sounds that hummed in his throat. 

Jack took a halting step towards the pair and MacReady pulled up to look at him. His hands had settled on Snake’s asscheeks, fingers slicker than the situation really warranted. Circling Snake’s puffy, dark rim with one, shining digit, he shrugged at Jack as if to say _oh well i guess i won_. Snake didn’t even notice, just pushed his ass back into his hands, his thighs rubbed a tender pink and trembling, lube and saliva running sloppy downwards.

“Get over here.” MacReady demanded, and Jack walked to the bed and sat by the pillow Snake was clutching dearly. The other man looked up at him, blushing hot, probably embarrassed. Jack liked the way his face contorted, eye shutting tight when MacReady licked inside of him again. He liked the way his cock dribbled precome and how MacReady kept a firm hand on his own heavy dick, stroking himself as he lapped into Snake.

MacReady pulled back again, abruptly, just as Jack was curiously pressing his fingers into Snake’s lips, wanting to push inside as well, and palmed his cock a few times before he was coming all over Snake’s hole and ass. He looked at Jack. “You wanna try?”

Snake couldn’t seem to help the low moan of approval he made as MacReady absentmindedly rubbed his jizz in and Jack considered the situation before saying, “Why the hell not?” and switching positions with MacReady. 

He got his mouth on Snake’s hot, sensitive flesh right way. He tasted good enough, covered in that saccharine lube and sweat and spunk. Jack sucked and sucked and sucked all the come off of him, eyes slipping shut, honing in on all the lost, overwhelmed sounds Snake made.

“He’s vocal.” Jack mumbled against his skin and was shushed by MacReady, who clearly wanted him to stay on task. Jack just rolled his eyes and tongued at Snake’s little, wet pucker again.

“You wanna come, Snake?” MacReady asked, smoothing the other man’s sweat damp hair back, looking down at him. “You close?”

Snake swallowed a few times, and Jack gave him a break, pulling back a bit to tug on his own stiffening cock. “Yeah,” he rasped.

MacReady looked at Jack. “Think we can make him come without touching his dick?’

“No way,” Jack said. “Not this guy.” MacReady gazed at him steadily. Jack sighed. “Five bucks says no.”

“Are you two betting - “ Snake started, snarling.

“Trade me places.” MacReady interrupted, and Jack did. MacReady was setting the lube and condoms close to himself as he ordered, “Fill his mouth.” 

“What?” Jack balked, then, “He’s gonna bite it off.”

“You were fine with it before.” MacReady pointed out.

“I was in a very different state of mind before.”

MacReady leveled a weary look at the both of them. “You gonna bite it off, Snake?”

Snake hesitated and then glowered. “No. I’m not gonna bite it off.”

MacReady gave Jack an expectant look, so he had to groan to himself, taking himself in one hand. MacReady was testing Snake’s hole, pressing the tip of a finger inside, then grabbing the lube to slick up his already wet hand, distracted. 

Jack met Snake’s eye and reached forward to pet back his messy hair. He brought his dick to Snake’s lips, watching him open his mouth tentatively, his tongue peeking out. Jack didn’t push in, just held himself and waited as Snake gathered courage and leaned in to kiss the tip. MacReady eased two finger in and Snake moaned, the sound vibrating against the head of Jack’s cock. 

Smirking, crooking and curling his fingers, MacReady started to open him up. Snake stayed mostly at Jack’s tip, his attention a little too split to give good head. With a some guidance, Jack got Snake farther down his cock, pushing his mouth open. Snake pulled off, lapping half-heartedly at the slit as MacReady nudged a third slick finger in, and then bobbed down a bit. He groaned around Jack’s cock when Macready scissored his fingers, then fucked them inside in one, shallow thrust.

It sounded sloppy - and it all was. Spit was dripping down Jack’s balls, pooling on the bed. MacReady was working up to a forth finger, and Snake was close to gagging, choking himself as he groaned and sputtered, his legs shaking, fingers curling in the sheets. Jack pulled him off his cock and held him up by his hair, having him suck the tip mindlessly, his face pink, eye shut. 

Four fingers in, MacReady twisted his wrist and kinked his hand. Snake jerked, his mouth falling open to gasp for breath, hips rocking back. MacReady met Jack’s gaze once more. “Think he’s ready?”

“Yeah, I - Yeah.”

“Take his hands.” MacReady told him, pulling out condom and sliding it onto his cock. Jack held Snake’s hands and MacReady pressed himself against his rim. One hand came up to his waist, thumbing a circle on his hip, and he started to ease in. 

The head popped in well enough, Jack could see. It was when MacReady started to push in the rest of it that Snake started to lose his cool.

“Fuck,” he hissed, squeezing Jack’s hands hard. MacReady paused for a second to let Snake adjust and then began again. “Oh, fuck,” Snake gasped, voice an octave higher. MacReady brought his other hand to his cheek and spread him a bit more. 

Snake took in a ragged breath as MacReady paused for him once again. “It’s almost half way in,” Jack told him, sounding postive, trying to be helpful. 

Now, completely flushed, Snake’s eye flashed up at him as he hoarsed, “ _Only half_ \- “and was promptly cut off as MacReady pushed another inch in. His breath hitched a high, thin noise, his hands scabbling out of Jack’s hold, clawing at his leg, the bed, anything he could reach. Panting harshly, close to sobbing, Snake pressed his face into Jack’s thigh. Awkwardly, Jack pat his shoulder twice.

“You’re - ah,” Jack started, eyes transfixed on the last few inches spearing Snake open, “Doing fine.”

He could faintly hear a harsh litany of _fuck fuck fuck_ , mumbled against his inner thigh. MacReady was catching his own breath, flushing down his neck, and ran a hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes. “He hasn’t done this before.” he managed out.

“I know,” Jack replied. “No kidding.”

MacReady clasped Snake’s hips again and exhaled once before gently rocking his hips. Snake made a wet, nervous sound against Jack’s leg, mouth pressing, nearly kissing, in a way that didn’t feel altogether terrible. Jack relaxed back a bit and lazily stroked his cock once, seeing Snake’s own flagging erection. “You’re gonna have to try harder if you wanna get him to come like that.” 

And MacReady snapped his hips forward viciously, shocking Snake’s eye and mouth open and wide. To spite Jack, his cock drooled precome onto the sheets at the treatment. Grinning, he slammed forward again, several more times.

“What d’ya say?” MacReady panted. “Wanna give me a hand with him?”

Jack gaped. “You can’t mean - “ and MacReady gently backed Snake up so he was sitting on the other man’s cock, legs in front of him. “There is no way - “ Jack tried, sliding down the bed. MacReady’s hands were under Snake’s knees, holding him open. Snake looked overcome, legs tense and trembling wildly, making soft, incessant, shaky moans. 

Once close enough, Snake’s thighs were draped over his hips, and MacReady tossed him the lube and condoms. Jack made quick work of getting himself ready, in a daze, eyes darting between Snake’s flushed, squirming body, and MacReady’s sure expression, and lower, where the two of them were connected.

“I don’t think - “ Snake managed out, the swallowed with an audible click. MacReady just settled in closer in an effort to comfort him. “I don’t think I can - “

“Shh.” MacReady said, pressing a rough kiss on his shoulder and Jack lined himself up. He pulled out a little so Jack could prepare to nudge in. “You can take it. You took me. You’re strong, aren’t you?” 

Snake flared. “I’m not - “ and he broke off, eyes rolling back as Jack started to push in. “It’s not gonna fit.” Snake choked, gasping out a low, broken sound in his throat.

“It’ll fit.” MacReady assured him.

Jack groped his hip and eased in more. 

Snake shook his head adamantly. “It’s not - oh _fuck_ oh - “ and his mouth slacked open, body convulsing as Jack bottomed out next to MacReady. His hips bucked up once and, suddenly, he was coming hard, shooting hot and white all over Jack’s chest for a second time.

“Holy fuck.” Jack remarked, and Snake, exhausted, collapsed forward, his head on Jack’s shoulder. His breath still hitched as he tried to catch it and Jack sent MacReady a completely stunned look. MacReady, the bastard, looked delighted beyond belief and gave a shallow thrust.

Snake and Jack both could feel it, although Snake probably more, but they groaned together. Snake clutched Jack’s upper arm as he rolled his hips for the first time and, in return, he brought his hands up to cup Snake’s cheek, guiding his face up. 

MacReady pumped his hips forward languidly and Snake looked more relaxed and sort of blissed out, eye drooping shut with the next thrust, moaning low, unguarded. Jack kissed him then, because he figured it was the best time to, and reached blindly forward for MacReady’s hand. Fingers held, slow, sloppy, wet kisses being pressed to his mouth, Jack was able to fall into the easy, alternating rhythm MacReady had set for them. 

He came first, shuddering to a halt, holding Snake tight against him, an then MacReady did a few seconds later. For that moment, they all stayed very still, breathing together. Then, MacReady stated to pull out and Jack followed his lead. 

They cleaned up as fast as they could. Snake passed out on the bed almost immediately. 

There seemed to be an unspoken agreement that they were going to sleep then and figure things out when they woke up. Jack nudged Snake over to make room, and he grouched ineffectively, letting Jack curl up beside him. MacReady got the lights and then turned to the bed, slipping in next to Jack. 

Snake and MacReady’s arms tangled on his waist, and they both were quiet, breath hushed. Jack had one fleeting thought that they might be gone as swiftly as they’d shown up, and he’d wake up alone and sore. He filed that quickly away under things he wasn’t thinking about and refused to believe that would happen. He could feel them beside him so keenly.

They might have been assholes, but what the hell? Fuck it.

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, though, happy birthday, baby. You're the best. Around. Nothing's ever gonna etc. etc. etc.
> 
> And, everyone else, thanks for reading! Hope you have a nice day!


End file.
